Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Another Transition....................

Transition#1: I am currently in the process of looking for a place to live. I have moved several times in the last year. However this time will be very different. Every other time I have moved with people. My family, my friends, my Ex, my cousin. This time it is just me, and that is scaring the crap out of me. I am truly doing this on my own without any help from anyone.  I have no idea where I will be by the end of February. The one decision that I have made, and I am sure that I want to stay in Long beach. I have so much fun here and most of my friends are here. Being in LB takes me back to one of the happiest times of my life. So for now, I’m keeping everything interesting by not planning out every single detail of my life. Instead, I’m just going to roll with the punches, and see where I end up.


Transition#2: If you are reading this, than you know me. I have had some damn obstacles when it comes to the L word (and no I don’t mean the lesbian show) I mean "love". I have really only had one real relationship and that thing lasted a LONG 8 year. After that I was devastated, and had a hard time with being single. I felt very alone.  However it has now been well over a year since our split and over the last while I have never been so happy being single. I have no one to answer to but myself, and I think that is just dandy. But for the last month, I have been seeing someone is secret. We have become closer that I ever thought we would. We are there for each other during these stressful times. He treats me like no one else has (or even come close.) Well we are for sure going to be taking that next step soon. It scares me to know that I am not going to be a single girl anymore. But I can’t picture myself with anyone else right now. There are just A LOT of complications for the both of us. It’s hard to explain, however when it does come out, it will make sense to everyone. Some people will be shocked, some saw it coming for so long, so will be mad, and others will be ecstatic for me. All in all, our feelings are the only ones that matter. 


Transistion#3: My crazy ass family. My family has always been so important to me for as long as I can remember. I have always tried to have a great bond with my family. And for so long I have. However I am so tired of "trying". I love everyone, but I am so tired of the judgments that they pass on me, when none of them have any room to talk. My mother recently stopped talking to me. No that’s not a new thing; however it usually never lasts very long. This time, I haven’t spoken to her since Christmas. That makes me really sad; she has no idea where I am living, or what I am doing, and she doesn’t even care. She told my sister that she was done with her bratty kids, and that she was going to just concentrate on her husband for now. I am so hurt to know that she is abandoning the both of us. Especially for the fact that she chose awful "sperm donors" for both my sister and I. So now we are both parentless for now, until she feels one day that she is ready to talk to both of us.


I feel like I haven’t had a subtle moment in my life for quite some time. But if I did, that might just make things a little to "boring" for a crazy girl like me!